Oh the Horror!

I read an article today explaining how production executives are baffled and disappointed in the sales slump horror movies have been in. I've decided to throw them a bone and give some friendly tips on how to boost their revenue:

1. Please stop letting Rob Zombie make films. His songs are terrible...what makes you think he would do any better with a camera?
2. Please stop letting Paris Hilton act in films. Of course, unless you have on night vision and she's fucking someone whilst on her cell phone.
3. If there is "VS" in the title, you deserve a lobotomy and a car battery zapping high voltage into your scrotum because clearly, you're fucking insane.
4. Any actors/actresses that are former/current singers or have had a show on the WB at any point in time are suicide. You might as well bang a whore in Thailand without a condom now.
5. Don't remake any classic flick thinking more money and technology will make it better. You can never replace a film like "Freaks" because quite honestly, if you were to try that shit today, they would throw your unethical ass in jail. The films of the 60's and 70's were so creepy because it was still alright to exploit actors who were mentally and physically disabled.
6. I take back number 2 only if Paris Hilton is to play someone with a severe mental disability. Although they still may throw your unethical ass in jail.


I hope this helps...otherwise it's back to writing scripts about Hugh Grant nervously fondling American sluts.